A bunch of House Arabs and House Muslims wrote the following open letter to Brahim Zaibat, who until recently was Madonna’s “boytoy.” OK, they didn’t really write this, but they might as well could have, considering their strong desire to grovel to the US mainstream while the US rains death and destruction on innocent populations.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatu Allah. We are US-based Arab and Muslim organizations. We implore you to reconsider your recent decision to break up with pop star Madonna. Madonna is more famous than fame and you’re the first Arab Muslim to enjoy an intimate relationship with her. Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what’s at stake here?
Your behavior reflects poorly on all Arabs and Muslims. You make it look as if Islam is incongruent with Kabbalah and Judaism generally. We will have a hard time explaining your behavior to Zionists at upcoming interfaith dialogue meetings. Many of us have lost sleep contemplating how embarrassing it will be. We just got done swearing to them how happy we are about Osama Bin Laden’s death, then you came along and ruined everything. Now we’re back to square one, proving we’re a tolerant, peaceful bunch, no thanks to you. (Palestine is not discussed at these meetings, in case you were wondering).
Your relationship with Madonna had been the best thing for our image since Rima Fakih. You’re the first Arab Muslim to share a stage with the queen of pop. We couldn’t have dreamed of a more distinctive privilege. Do you know how many deaths your picture dancing alongside Madonna has prevented? When reminded of your relationship with Madonna, which proves our humanity, many a drone attack has been called off and many Arabs and Muslims have been removed off no-fly lists.
As you may know, Madonna is a staunch supporter of Israel. If you rejoin hands with her, you may change her mind to support the creation of a Palestinian state on a whopping 22% of historic Palestine. Do you understand now the kind of serious responsibility you owe the ummah?
In case you had pangs of conscience about dancing with the Material Girl or thought it may be inconsistent with Islam, rest assured that our own in-house sheikhs have issued a fatwa specifically allowing any and all behavior, from participating in beauty pageants to serving in the US Army and occupying Arab and majority-Muslim countries, as long as the end-result is assimilation into the US mainstream.
If you insist that you no longer want to be Madonna’s boytoy, could you at least talk her into considering any ADC intern as a replacement? They’ve got a lot of training dancing to the tunes of war played by the Republican and Democratic Parties.
CAIR, ADC, AAI, Park51, ATFP, CAIR and ISNA