A New Job

 
 By MILT POLICZER 01/16/2012
The economy really is getting better - a brand new job has been created.
     The City Council in Los Angeles last week tentatively approved an ordinance requiring porn actors to wear condoms while filming.
     The news reports of this development also mentioned that porn producers will have to pay some sort of fee to pay for enforcement of this new regulation.
     What the news reports didn't say is the logical extension of this: someone gets a job watching live porn to make sure those condoms are in place.
     That's going to be one happy bureaucrat.
     Since I'm in the wondering business, I can't help but wonder how one qualifies for such a position. What should Los Angeles be looking for in its first official porn wrapping inspector?
     I have a few suggestions. The ideal candidate should have excellent eyesight, have good concentration and attention to detail, and own some rubber clothing (although I suppose the city could supply that if the licensing fees cover it).
     Now imagine the required civil service exam.
     The other thing I wonder about is what happens if the happy inspector spots a violation? Is she or he empowered to pull the actors apart or is this a ticketing scenario? Will a flashing red light be involved?
     Or will the effect of this be to drive the porn industry to, say, neighboring Long Beach? Pro-business Republicans in Los Angeles should be warning us about this.
     While we're on the subject, I also have an artistic or, perhaps, philosophic question: how much porn does the world need? Is there such a shortage of film of naked people doing things to each other that we must keep making more?
     Are there that many plots left to cover?
     Will the endings ever not be happy?
     If no more sex movies were made, would we feel deprived?
     Maybe I'm not enough of a connoisseur.

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